Resistance is Futile

My mind keeps slipping into negative thoughts and I can't help it. Autumn told me to not let it bother me, to control it, but how do you control something that you don't even know is happening until it is already there? Difficult? Very. Impossible? Probably not.

I just don't want to work to block it out. I just want to have the automatic ability to do so. Kinda like a pop-up blocker in my head. lol



Almost time for my next class. We don't do anything in it, but I really don't want to go.... dunno why, I was in such a good mood earlier and it just went to hell now. Damn mood swings.



It's probably all those energy drinks I've had, but whatever they taste good so pah on that.

I want to get away so bad, but with my Reno vacation, I think I am expecting too much from it. It should just be a way to see old friends and have a brief break from work and school, but I think I'm making it into a great big party in my head lol. Dunno maybe cuz I've heard my brother's stories of what he did in Reno and I expect it to be the same way.

No dreams lately, at least none worth writing down.

No more journeys into my head, I think that's over completely. so I might as well round that blog off.... well I guess I'm putting dreams into it now. A mixture of my concoctions.

Guess I'll have Kyle's friend over and drink and smoke hookah or something, don't really have anything else going on and alcohol is a great way to get to know someone. Well in my case, it's normally a bad thing when I get to know people..... Cuz soon everyone xpects more. If you know what I mean..... and I'm not complaining about that, but.... It has gotten me into a little bit of trouble lately. Drunkeness is a blessing and a curse for me... it's so much fun, but shit always seems to go from bad to worse.

Can't wait to have another bar night though. The pictures and memories (or lack thereof) are always good times.

Maybe I'll clean my room today cuz it kinda looks something like this:


and that's a terrible thing when you are meeting people for the first time and you take them on the tour and it looks like that.

Beat Age of Empires III (just a sidenote.)

still training for that marathon.... need to up mileage though.



Other than that.... nothing is going on. Going to try to go to the football game this Saturday, work sucks, school sucks. blah. I'm bored with the days. I need something exciting to happen.

Current Mood - Bored



Currently Listening to - Still no Ipod or headphones for school :(

Back to the School Postings

Sitting in the library. Suprisingly not on the second floor today like normal. Wishing I had something to drink like this.



So I could eat my delicious looking breadsticks.




mmmm doesn't that just make you salivate??

Anyways I'm sitting here, bored as hell, waiting for my next class, fantasizing about my run later today. Yes, I actually can't wait to go running. I've gotten to the point where I enjoy running, for several reasons.
1) It clears my mind and lets me think about totally random things.
2) It keeps me in shape and gets rid of the pudge I've been developing.
3) It gets my roommates to stfu about telling me to go work out.
4) It gets me that much closer to accomplishing my goal of running a marathon this winter.
5) The ladies love it ;)
6) When buff guys talk shit I tell them I'll race them in a 5k haha
7) It makes me feel superior to other people, thus making me feel less helpless :D


yeaaaaaaaaaaaa lets see if they have any pictures of me running on the internet.
nope, but I guess this'll do.



Working out has been going well too, been going for like 2 weeks now shooting for my goal of 200 for bench, yes I know its lame, but running and working out kinda counterbalance each other so stfu. Plus I haven't been working out consistantly for very long so I am pretty damn weak. Anyways, by the end of the month I shall let you know if I accomplished the 200lbs goal.



Yea that's what I look like, lol.

O and coming up on another goal of the six-pack. Still more like a three pack since I can't get the middle line, but I am pretty damn determined. Too bad I can't control what I eat lol. No willpower in that department.


*ten minutes later*
Went on a tangent into the internet found this picture. Liked it so much I figured I'd put it on here.



O well I guess I'll sign off for now, I was going to write a story, but forgot it when I logged out of my mind and went into random searching mode.

Mood - Spaced Out



Currently Listing to - NOTHING :(

Jarhead

They say movies are meant to stir emotions in their audiences. Be able to have the audience relate to the movie, to feel like they are there. Well, Jarhead hit the nail on the head. It made me wonder, what the hell am I doing with my life, with the precious time I have on this Earth? My answer right now is I'm pissing it all away.

I feel so alone. I have wonderful friends and family, but I feel like I'm missing a huge component of my life.

I feel like I'm going to cry.

I feel like I am going to puke, I feel disgusted with myself.

I'm angry.

I'm depressed.

I'm struggling to regain control.

I feel so pathetic.
So helpless.
so worthless.
so tiny.
meaningless.
Like nothing I say or do matters.

What is the point of life?

mood - overwhelmed


No music fits this situation. Only silence.